A Lesson in Friendship
My son is almost 5 years old and we've officially entered the era of having friends over. Finley has been asking to have one of his little buddies over for dinner for months, and this weekend I finally got my act together enough to make it happen.
I had a million excuses for not inviting his friend over sooner, and a lot of them make sense. I have two 8 month old babies I'm chasing after, I have an endlessly cyclical to-do list, both Kent and I are volunteering at church, Finley is still pretty young...on and on. But in truth, I think I'm just not great at inviting people over. In theory, I love the idea of having people over. In practice, I let insecurities stop me. What if my house isn't clean enough? What if they don't have fun? What if they don't like the food I serve?
Finley has no such inhibitions. He is constantly wanting to invite people over. He loves to have guests, and makes sure to show first-timers every room in the house (which makes the traditional "panic clean" before guests arrive more interesting. There is so safe place to just shove a bunch of stuff and close the door. My 4 year old will out me for sure!).
I am constantly learning lessons from my kids and this is no exception. I watched that little man positively vibrate with excitement before his friend came over. I heard him give a tour, making sure to point out where all the toys were alongside more traditional landmarks like bedrooms and bathrooms (possibly my favourite quote of the afternoon was Finley sincerely saying "you can really ask me where the bathroom is if you need to. I've been there like...100 times!"). I witnessed him follow his friend's lead in picking which toys to play with and which games to play, understanding that it would be the kind thing to do for his guest. I heard him say "it's okay for friends to like different things!" while the boys made their own pizzas and chose different toppings. I saw the joy on both boys' faces as they played make believe and built towers and acted silly together.
Finley is already learning how to be a good friend and how to invite people into his space in a way that makes them feel comfortable, valuable, and loved.
The whole time his friend was over, I was thinking about one of my oldest friends. Andrea and I met in kindergarten and she invited herself over to my house for lunch. This bold little 5 year old walked up to my mom one day at pick up and said "my name is Andrea, and I am Elizabeth's best friend. You should have me over for lunch." She is the first friend that I invited over and the first friend who invited me over outside of parental intervention. We spent countless hours in each others homes, with each others families. We grew up and went to different high schools and moved to different cities for university. But through it all, we stayed friends. In fact, Andrea was in my wedding party. Here we are, over 30 years after we first met, still friends.
I texted her when Finley's friend was over and told her I couldn't stop thinking of her. What if this little friend Finley was playing with ends up in his wedding party one day?! Of course, I know that it is more the exception than the rule that the first friend you ever make ends up being a lifelong friend. It's okay, and sometimes necessary, that some friendships are only for a season. I am thankful though that I have that experience with Andrea. It stops me from dismissing Finley's friendships as fleeting or inconsequential. Whether this friend is for a season or for life, the lessons he's learning right now about how to be a friend, how to treat a guest, how to make someone feel like they are welcome in your home...they'll serve him well in all of his future friendships.
And frankly, it was a reminder to me that it isn't that hard. If a 4 year old can do it, surely I can. It's really pretty simple...make sure your friend knows that you're happy they are there. The rest will figure itself out. Oh, and make sure they know that you know where the bathroom is. After all, you've been there at least 100 times.